The great substitution

Years ago in a psychology class we spoke about how essentially a new life is born with very limited experience of it's own character. Is he smart, or dull? Is he a great athelete, or a bit of a klutz? It is society and one's experience within that society that makes one feel they are who they are. In fact, the society tends to shape a character, or perhaps even an image. This obviuosly sounds like Cooley's "Looking Glass Self" model where we need others to see who we really are. The context provides the understanding.
However, most of us allow these characteristics to be formed with limited effort. We tend to follow the wind and become something whether we had any idea what we were becoming or not. There is limited conscious effort in this process.
This however, was exactly what I have tried not to allow to happen with my own son. My eldest was homeschooled until a few months ago, when we decided to let him attend the local school for a class and then eventualy a few classes. He used to the experience to shape himself into "his peers", or something that he could comfortably become. However, this new character (among many he had "tried on") over the last couple years was not part of my aspirations for him. He took on every bad habit, every attitude; the poorest of character. His ambition fell to almost zero, and he started to "settle into" his new life and lifestyle. Sincerely, we (my wife and I) were worried. We did not know exactly what to do. We could pull him out (and in fact, we did), but by going back to homeschooling, he'd lack that social context. We felt he would stay the same character now simply in a new environment. This was particularly concerning since we did not wish him to create significant problems for the other 7 children. We could leave him and hope that he weathered the storm. Both my wife and I went through a secular high school and were no worse for wear. That was a risk that we were not sure we were willing to take.

Finally, we came back to this "looking glass self" concept. My son needed to have a different place to exist and a different "looking glass". He needed a challenge. His present (in school) lacked any challange to motivate him. He needed something that he could shoot for an be inspired by. But what?
I kinda felt that "being a man", was what he wanted. All boys desire this, but I had to be careful, the image of man was not always a clear cut image. I didn't want him to aspire to a beer guzzling Homer Simpson. I needed an idealized man. Who?


I went back to my image of the classic Knight. He was a manly man, if ever there was one. He was strong and healthy (my son was becoming a sloth). The idealized knight was a nobel man who served God and King. (not the evil black knights, but the traditional Sir Galahad type knight). These knights were smart. They were focused. They were spiritual. They were people of vision and of honour. Perhaps there were never any of these real knights that ever existed, but the image had survived centuries with less tainting then almost every other image of manliness I could consider. This was my choice for a substitute character.
For my son, when he was gone one weekend I redid his room with images of knights and Celtic symbols, eagles and wolves (other manly images that I knew he liked). It went better then I expected. He loved it.
So, like I said, I drew out this image and decided to revive this Celtic Church of Yahweh regardless whether the initial founders accepted this or not. This was never about me. It was always about what it would take to inspire my son (and my future sons I have 5 others) toward a better path in life. Left to our own devices we tend to fall far short of the mark.
I suspect this will take longer then initially planned, but this is about long term character. It is necessary for him, but also for our society. If you have a son that you worry about, I think you will understand. If you don't then perhaps no level of explanation will make sense.